Incriminating Blackmail Material

People in Glass Houses Shouldn’t Throw Hailstorms March 25, 2010

Posted by Weng in Rants, Uncategorized.
Tags: economics-nerding, GSP, hailstorm, Hardy, obligatory post-hail blog, Perth, UFC 111, UWA ALVA Library
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So I haven’t written for the better part of a fortnight. Arguably a good thing. The world already has enough inane diatribe without me.

The big news of the week I guess is the whole hailstorm thing. The “Great Storm of Perth”. Thunder, lightning (the way you love me is frightning), hailstones the size of golfballs. Fast onset. The ‘perfect storm’ so to speak. Windscreens were bitch’d, trees fell down, roads were flooded, the world descended into chaos.

As it took me 2 and a half hours to do a drive that’d normally take me about 10-15 minutes, it felt like a scene from a disaster movie. Cars were bumper to bumper, all trying to get out as Godzilla Radiation-Fire-Breath’d his way through the streets of Tokyo as Japanese salarymen frantically screamed “GATTAKAAA, GATTAKAAA! GOJIRAAA ABUNAAIIIII”. The protagonist’s car’s amber fuel warning light turning on as he frantically wondered if his car would manage to escape to Safe Haven away from all of It. The Chaos. The Insanity. The Madness.

His half-eaten piece of banana bread, possibly his only rationed food supply if he were to get stranded somewhere. Half-eaten banana bread and a half-empty bottle of water. It was like Ponyo with the mass flooding and the anthropomorphic goldfish-girl and the Sea-Pimps voiced by Liam Neeson. Ponyo crossed with your generic disaster movie.

If things DID get hairy, I probably would have been screwed. I was already hungry and sitting in traffic was boring me so I wolfed down that banana bread in a Cookie Monster-esque OMNOMNOM manner.

That could have been a real business opportunity really. Like the creepy Eastern European guy that goes around Northbridge and the city in clubs and restaurants selling roses and funny toys that make trippy epilepsy-inducing lights, I could have gone around with a big box of Banana Bread and chocolate and sold that to stressed out motorists fearing the end of the world.

That would have been pure profit.

Then in the aftermath, people returned to find devastation, destroyed libraries, shattered stained glass windows. I didn’t return… Great protagonists disappear to do something heroic, succeed, then waltz out of the burning building later as everyone else thinks their dead and their love interest starts crying.

I wasn’t a great protagonist, turns out my one class of the day got cancelled. Go me! DAY OFF!

This is a boring post. There hasn’t been a picture so far. There just probably won’t be either. I’m lazy and in an apathetic mood. I lie, I suddenly feel motivated to include some colour. It just feels necessary at this point. It’s like just so black and white. It’s like having a room filled with just black people and white people, you need some colour in the form of a token Asian to make the room not shit. This is still a boring post.

Note that these shit photos were taken on my dodgy mobile phone camera, not helped by my insane twitchiness that I also suffer. Also: the underpass picture was taken Wednesday, two days AFTER the storm. And it was like that today too. Still totally flooded. That’s some fucking shit drainage you’ve got there, Mr. Underpass.

TOTALLY SUDDEN SWERVE AND CHANGE OF TOPIC

On another note, UFC 111 – St. Pierre vs. Hardy is on this weekend. GSP being like, quite clearly, the best Welterweight in the world and one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world, and also French-Canadian, is super-mega-heavily-favoured against Dan Hardy. Who is British. And has a mohawk. And can punch people.

They’ve been running a little 3-part documentary series in the leadup to the event to hype that shit up, so to speak, and it’s arguably working. It’s kind of fascinating just seeing the training process for both and seeing all the trash-talking. I’m completely unlikely to pay to watch the match seeing as it’s exorbidantly priced and I don’t have Foxtel in the first place, in all likelyhood I’ll watch it on YouTube when it’s not being copyright-pulled-down.

Either way though, I’m inspired enough to want to place a bet on the event itself. Seeing as GSP is an 8-to-1 favourite against Hardy by some reckoning, the odds from my local TAB are amazingly skewed.

If Georges “RUSH!!!” Saint-Pierre win, I’d get $1.10 per dollar.
If Dan “The OUTLAAWWWW~!!!!” Hardy does a Matt Serra and pulls off a massive upset, I’d get $5.60

So, assuming I put $20 on Hardy and lose, I’d pay for 10 GSP betters who put on $20 and would win $22 in the process (what a prissy gamble). Alternatively though, seeing as it is such a seemingly safe bet, you COULD alternatively see it as a very quick 10% interest on an investment (which you run the risk of totally losing at the same time)

BUT if I put $20 on Hardy and he KNOCKS GSP THE FUCK OUT, I’d win $112, a $92 profit. Which means it only takes 4.5 GSP Nuthuggers/$20-betters to pay out the profit for my bet WHILST I PAY FOR TEN GSP FANS. I AM CURRENTLY MAKING THE FACE OF AN ANGRY AND/OR INDIGNANT GIRAFFE.

The House always Wins. True of all forms of gambling AND of the TV Doctor.

I may just end this blog now. GSP is not impressed with my performance.

I just cannot get over how amazing that quote is really. So amazing it inspired someone to make a song dedicated to GSP and his silly Fren-adian accent.

I love you, GSP.

I’m not impress by [my] performance.